Because, you know.. I’m not. Life has been so surreal lately, to be perfectly honest, maybe it’s part of the process of winding myself up to shoot better now that I have a wonderful and eager subject (see above) that timed out perfectly with my need to shoot. Maybe it’s D., the person I have told you all about yet. Truth be told, she doesn’t want me to tell you all about her. So I won’t tell you how wonderful she is, and how amazingly nice and appreciative she is. No, none of that, all so very hush hush! I mean, she probably wouldn’t even want me talking about all the wild sex we have, either. So no, I can’t talk about it at all :P.
It’s interesting to observe myself throughout all this, however. It’s funny what things I let slide, mentally speaking, vs. others. The sheer complexity in my current mental framework is fascinating right now. I’ve got all these contrasting desires pulling me all over the place, meanwhile I’m struggling with my artistic vision, my upcoming show, trying to understand and redefine things like ‘love’ and what not (because I honestly have no idea anymore). It makes for kind of a box of coat hangers (read, jumbled fucking mess). And to top that all off, I’m ridiculously happy. Of course the same concerns are still there, Grandma, my fucked financial situation, pressures personally, etc., but I’ve taken that kind of sublime contentment (which isn’t accurate, because I’ll never be content, I just don’t know how to phrase it) I found when I was single and carried that further now. It’s amazing what a person being nice to you will do for your outlook on humanity as a whole.
We’ll see how it pans out. I wish I had the energy to write about my last job experience. Many great anecdotes =. Soon, maybe...
-G