I�ve decided that conversing with Grandma these days is much like talking to a catholic priest. You leave the conversation feeling ultimately guilty and not quite knowing why. I have to be honest here, and it�s an unfortunate honesty, but talking to her is probably one of the worst things I can think of doing these days.

That�s a really terrible thing to say, I know. But god, it�s true.

She has this subtle way of blaming you for everything without so much as actually blaming you for everything. The false ambiguity of her statements make you want to scream, run off and get a gun, and shoot yourself. When I say you, I mean me.

I tried to explain this to her last week (BAD IDEA!), that didn�t exactly go like I had planned. What she did was predictable enough, she broke out crying and started screaming about how she just wanted to die. So I left feeling guilty and not quite knowing why. Damn, foiled again!

It�s just becoming one of those un-escapable truths of reality. Everything is shit and it�s all my fault.

It�s no wonder why I have no patience for this sort of mentality out of a romantic relationship. I�m sooooo fucking done with it! I�m going to let grandma slide, because it�s in my nature too, but I swear to god, the next girl who gives me a lame ass unjustified guilt trip is hitting the damned curb, I don�t care who she is. I already carry too much on my shoulders, I�m sure as fuck not going to be forced to heap even more guilt on them.

Yeah, so take that! Booya and all that!

Why, oh why, do I feel so ineffectual? *chuckle*

So I�m thinking about taking a job that would pay about 10 dollars more a week then unemployment simply to alleviate guilt. Actually, it would just be an excuse not to be around so much. How terrible is that? Oh well. I think I�ll go try to find out what she wanted for dinner tonight, besides, my guilt is waning and I need to refill.

Tire irons and baby octopuses,

-G