I�m wasted again, so what?

I�m sitting across the table from her, she�s shaking and fidgeting.. How I know that feeling, how I acutely know that feeling. She�s unsure of herself, afraid of reproach yet a defiant light shines in her sullen eyes. �This is me, this is filth, how I defy you to judge me as such!� How beautifully human, how wonderfully vulnerable.

Cajun Seasoning that�s supposed to be used on fish but can be used for �Vegetables � Meats � Fish Soups � Green Salads� I�m afraid of this stuff, to be honest. It�s too useful, it�s too good. What if I like it? What then?? Really, what then?!?

So I�ve taken to late night flossing in the dark. I use Glide original, of course. I sit in the dark with mournful music in the background.. Be it Portishead, Massive Attack, The Controls, whatever.. I floss to it. Flossing by candlelight with a bottle of wine, it�s all the rage. Some people read poetry, how clich�, floss god damn it, floss until you bleed! Power floss until your gums pour out your divine fluids and flavor your tongue like steak!

Can anybody see the light?

A dead-ophelia saying that I cannot reach her now..

How necessary it all is, how horrible yet� beautifully necessary.

Okay so we all know who Susan is by now. She says that I�m going through something that reminds her of �teen angst�. I love that. I only wish I was going through teen angst. Maybe I am? Who can really say? I�m 27 for fucks sake, wouldn�t that be awesome to go through teen angst right now? I mean� fuck, I feel like dressing in all black and wearing white face paint to add a little flair to the whole thing! Why not, right?

Come, come with me on my journey of solitude so I may feel slightly less alone. Be my silent friend in the darkness that I rely upon so greatly in my times of need.

Wandering stars..
For who it is preserved,
the blackness, the darkness�
forever.

Being vulnerable inspires the need of someone else to turn to, a pillar of strength. Not to rely on, no, but to witness and embrace and thereby strengthening ones self. Being strong, however, is the loneliest position you could possibly occupy whereby you relinquish all need and desire for another and steadfastly face the coming challenges alone with your fortitude. "Hungry, violent, lonely, godless: thus the lion-will wants itself. Free from the happiness of slaves, redeemed from gods and adorations, fearless and fear inspiring, great and lonely: such is the will of the truthful."

So through tinted glasses and poisonous advice I walk along, singing to myself this merry song, laughing all the time to how the world isn�t as simple as some would think and how I love it all.

Some nights, I wouldn�t change a thing. Death and suffering be damned!

-G