On a completely unrelated note.. Did anyone know that you can�t FedEx something to FedEx? Heh, I found that amusing :).
In other news, Richard is back form Europe! Yes, he�s a sour puss most the time but god damn, I love this guy. I�m glad as hell he�s back. Now if I was only well enough to actually go out for coffee again..
Eh, oh well.. Being sick and stuck at home always make you um.. Well, you think a lot. Not like I don�t think a lot already but, you know what I mean. An email from Zeroreverb7 made me think about the power of emotions a bit, my thoughts lingered upon the power of forgiveness. Not necessarily the act of forgiveness, but the desire for it. Sure, an association with that desire would be a desire to alleviate another emotion, namely guilt. That particular aspect aside, the knowledge that someone cares enough about how you regard them to want forgiveness is an amazing thing.
People make mistakes, people can lash out and say mean and spiteful things, they can make errors in judgment that result in painful things to their loved ones. But it�s that desire for forgiveness, honest to god forgiveness that I find some interesting. Maybe because it�s so completely foreign in my life, who knows. I�m used to dishonesty and other, more destructive ways of dealing with a persons guilt. Basically, no one has yet to care enough for how I regarded them to care to fix it. I mean, I�ve gotten the screaming apologies that always make me out to be the bad guy, who hasn�t? I mean, it�s always my fault, right? I�M the asshole. But for someone to curl up in your arms and give themselves to you and allow you to be kind and desire to right some wrong they feel they�ve done to you.. That�s a beautiful thing, in my eyes. To be allowed to be forgiving, kind and accepting. Ah but see, I just related that specifically to romantic relationships, and that�s not only what this is about (it�s a big part, mind you, but not it).
But these days people seem eager to take advantage of that sort of forgiveness and abuse the acceptance. It�s a pity because I think that sort of interaction is really a key part of the beauty of humanity. For instance, there really isn�t much Richard, Paul, Nick, Geoff, or Erica could do where I couldn�t forgive them of it all. When I take a person into my life, I take everything that is them, and that includes their humanity, their capacity for harmful mistakes. But I also know that these people hold how I view them in high importance and would desire my forgiveness. That�s why they are invaluable friends of mine, and how I could scarcely live without them.
It�s a pity that, that is such a rare thing.
But then who am I to say such a thing? I despise human kind, for the most part. I think war is a tremendous test of our moral and human spirit and is key to our evolution. It inspires the worst and the best in mankind, and I�ve always been a person of extremes. I trust, essentially, no one to be true or to hold a shred of integrity until convinced otherwise. I give everyone an equal neutral status and adjust from there, but I�m always guarded. Nothing shocks me, or I should say, few things shock me anymore. Little surprises me when it comes to human relationships. And I haven�t even begun to live and experience life. I may bitch about being old but in truth, I�m terribly young. 27, going on 5 it feels. I gaze around in wonderment at the world around me and realize I know nothing and my wisdom doesn�t exceed that of a schoolyard whelp, maybe even less since I�ve lost the gift of naivety. Yeah, who am I to lament to the rarity of the best things in humankind?
I�m just a little kid on Nyqul who rambles too god damned much late at night. But hey, Richard is back.. yay!
-G