Patrick Fugazzi
November 22nd, 1973 � September 6th, 2005

My brother finally decided a bullet was less painful then waking up every day. It could have easily been me.

To those few out there that know my childhood history, my brother Patrick played a rather significant role in it. It wasn�t good. It was so bad, in fact, that I wanted to beat or otherwise hurt him for my entire teen years. It was literally 5 years ago I came to terms with my irrational hatred and reconciled our relationship.

It turns out, him being just a bit older and having to endure just a bit more misery and shit then myself, had a lasting effect on him. Maybe he processed more then I did, or was more ultimately sensitive. I�m not sure. His guilt about his role in my misery was tangible, though.

He was a great guy. A really great guy. Haunted by demons he could never escape. Mom is angry at him, thinking he�s blown his chance to be in heaven and was selfish to everyone else. I can�t be so angry. He doesn�t have to run anymore.

Again, those that know my past also know Pat. How best to describe Pat? Christians think of the Devil as an evil creature who silently pull strings of death and destruction on earth, A faceless menace to be feared. My Devil had a face. The face of Pat. Some people heard about the Devil�s evilness, I was the subject of it.

I don�t speak in religious terms often, but it�s the easiest way to explain this mans effect on me. He IS my boogyman. And he was going to come to the funeral. Patrick hated this man, I dare say, more then I did. When Pat got out of prison, Patrick was preparing for WWIII. I firmly believe he would have killed Pat, given the chance.

And he was going to be at his �son�s� funeral. It was all too much. I felt like the kid in me was back and he was scared as hell. Eventually I resolved myself to face him, to prove that he could no longer hurt me or my family, ever again. His legacy of pain ended the day his son put a bullet into his head. Patrick would be the last person he would ever affect.

And of course, the fucking coward didn�t show. How typical. I was ultimately glad, but I secretly wished I could have faced him one last time.

But now Patrick no longer needs to run and hide. I haven�t the foggiest idea if there is something �else� after this life, but whatever the case may be, I hope it�s better then what this world held for him.

I love ya, bro.

-G