Disappointment is one of the more nefarious emotions we have to deal with in our life. It truly feels as if it�s one of the only acts that don�t seem to heal very well. It always leaves a lingering sadness, a ghost, no matter how long ago it is.

I suppose it comes down to expectations and hope. I remember my mom had a plaque in the bathroom, right over the toilet that said �Expect the worst, hope for the best.� It never made any sense to me. The placement was dubious, why would I need to read this as I peed? Who can say why people choose to put stuff like that anywhere.

I understood the general concept this little plaque was trying to convey. Temper your expectations to limit your disappointment. But it�s okay to HOPE! Er� No, no it�s not. Hope is expectations.

For example, I go to the super market, and I see a bright red delicious looking apple. I haven�t eaten for awhile and I decide that I�m going to sate my hunger on this apple. There is a distinct possibility the apple could be devoid of sweet taste, and waxed and dyed red to appear so delicious and so in the back of my mind I steel myself, saying �It probably isn�t as tasty as it looks. But I hope it is!�

Once I take a bite of this apple, and realize it is glorified decaying matter and completely inedible, my hope evaporates and I get to say �I knew it.� Am I still disappointed? Of course I am. I was starving, I needed this apple.

I�ll never look at apples the same.

This is a slightly more melodramatic example then I originally intended but you get the gist. Disappointment lingers. It sets up shop in the back of your brain, makes plans for you. I think it even sets up future disappointments for you, just so it won�t be lonely.

Maybe it�s like a dust explosion. Yes, my new field, I learn all sorts of useless shit. A lot of types of dust, when in appropriate density in the air, are highly explosive. The neat thing about dust explosions are that the initial explosion populates adjacent spaces with any excess, unconsumed dust, which then triggers another explosion, and so on. People have described it sounding like popcorn from a distance. It rips through an entire building, each blast furthering the reach of the next.

I think that if I were a building, disappointment would feel like that.

In further news, a lighthouse guiding a weary storm battered ship and crew into safe harbor winked out yesterday, the ship was dashed upon the rocks � all hands were lost. No explanation was given for disappearance of the lighthouse�s beacon.

Love,

-G