I read through at least two dozen and never found a single person who was apparently over the age of 17. Is this place primarily for those wayward teens? Half of them commented on how much they hated life and had crushes on people they had no chance with.
I'm simply amazed. And to think I thought myself as 'unusual' thinking very similar things during my time. How self centered we are.
EDIT: Okay so I've read so many vegas diaries, my head is going to fucking explode. Is it just me, or are there a lot of miserable people out there? Fucking christ. Is it that or do the happy people not need a forum to whine to? In all the diaries I read, I didn't read one overly positive one, except for maybe this girl who's about as happy as I've found. On the bright side, I found some interesting diaries (albeit, brooding and moody.. Hey you out there, stop fucking snickering, asshole). I can't wait till I get rid of the standard template bullshit. If I wasn't leaving for the night, I'd work on some more. Why the fuck am I going out? Okay.. back to the original entry ->
For the record, I'm 26. Single white male. I don't hate life, I despise stupidity. I resent my attraction to thin women with good skin and I resent their attraction to idiot neanderthals who are barely above the intellectual level of where they would drool constantly. There are days where I am haunted by feelings blacker then the blackest melancholy, contempt for man. But other then that, I'm a cheery guy.
I feel better already. On an unrelated note, I spent hours cleaning out various email folders. I'm amazingly garbage free. I wonder how this feeling compares with getting your colon cleansed? I'm sure it's similar. I haven't fucked with the sent folder yet, still a fuck load of emails in there, but they can stay for now. My email proggy has now burned a permanent image into the back of my skull, so I figured I have had enough for the decade.
At this point, I shall not suppress a sigh.
Here is an interesting read, it was requested about a week ago to be posted, but I forgot. I found it again whilst digging through old emails. The writing is substandard, to say the least, but it's entertaining none the less. It's an interesting view of Vegas life style. This was back when I was working as an Engineer at Trimm Technologies here in Vegas, and partying with these two Armenian guys, Ara and Sevog. Interesting times... This was the Tuesday morning of a long weekend, just to give you a little perspective.
It's been modified a bit to be shared with the public. Really the only stuff I removed is the portions that were directed to Susan, she was the original recipient. No one really needs to see how foolishly in love I was with her.
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I found myself laying on the sticky wet tile of the abandoned sauna, wondering deliriously in a sleep deprived, overheated state. How did I come to this place? Why am I subjecting myself to this subtle form of internal torture? These are but a few of the rabid questions gnawing at my barely functioning consciousness.
A large splash rouses me to sit up.. I wipe the steam clinging greedily to the window away with the back of my hand and watch as my lone companion wades around the lap pool, in all her 400lbs glory. I briefly wonder why the only people at them gym at this time of night consists of a sleep deprived introspective soul, such as myself, and a tragic young woman who probably feels this is the only time she can safely venture into the realm of beautiful people.
I am startled by the loud bang indicating a fresh wave of steam was about to ensue, I lay back again, leaving my faithful companion to her solitary water aerobics. The mist twirls and swirls and coaxes my mind likewise as I drift off deeper into my own mind as the fresh wave of heat assaults my senses.
The next few hours are but a blur of bright lights and cold ending with my eventual sojourn to the bastion of conformist society, Starbucks. I stumble into an old man, probably a professor or some such, wondering out of the place. I croak out an artificial, 'Good morning.' What do I get? Not a good morning in return, no. But instead, he laughs bitterly at me and spits "You look like shit! Have a fun night or something?" I grin mindlessly and nod my head as I stumble past. Not sure whether to burst into laughter or just slink away.
I scratch my head absently as I order my 'venti no-fat, no-whip mocha and a fat free blue berry muffin, preferably one with more then 3 blue berries.. please.' I giggle to myself at the brief look of irritation from the clerk who at first seemed entirely too perky for it being so early in the morning. I grin in sadistic satisfaction as she picks through the selection of muffins looking for one with more then two blue berries showing.
I take up a seat which will offer me the best view of the coming colorful display that will mark the official beginning of the day. I thumb through thoughts in my head, looking for one that will keep me sufficiently occupied whilst people come in for their own doss of caffeinated glory.
Irritated with the conversations around me of the nights at the local clubs, I resign myself to my truck to watch the coming sunrise.. So tired� This day has been the damnedest day.
I reflect back upon the chaotic blur that has been this day. This long day, of days length. I moved from one 'scene' to the next, seamlessly, silently. I was the passenger on this wildest of ride, the guides being my two cynical greasy Armenian friends, Ara and Sevog. Every good venture needs a capitalist, does it not?
Starting the day I reached for misanthropic heights at the bottom of a bottle, and when there was no answers to be found there, I searched on and on. A blur, an entropic golden spiral, downward in my mindless search for rock bottom.
People took upon qualities of food, and we were hungry. The dark night spots of Las Vegas, where the hungry go to feed. From bar's on to clubs, from clubs to after party clubs, from there our usual group pit stop at some coffee house which ended up usually kicking all of us out. Sometimes for the women having sex with each other, and sometimes just out of sheer principle. From there we went on to hotel suites of some fuck or another, always another party starting for the day. A never ending feast for those who care to feed.
Far too introspective to care about the idiotic doings of my unlikely cohorts, I paid them no heed. Body sucked into a chemical world of feelings and sensations, numbed and heightened at the same time.
Entranced by hypnotic lights that filtered through the humanity attempting to dazzle me away. I sat in grim silence as the world erupted around me, contemplating my mental well being. I am surrounded by writhing forms, laughter, and other forms of idle frivolity, and yet all I can do is ponder the eternal questions burning in my soul. So now I sit here in front of this empty computer screen. Reaching out the only way I can these days. These thoughts grow tepid, I yearn to purge them from my mind. My eye's are open and I want nothing more then to close them, for I like not what I see.
Ah well, such is the eternal burden of existence. I shall retire now, into the realm of sleep. No doubt, I will dream as I usually do. A nightmare so horrid I can barely bare the thought of sleep. I dream of a perfect life, full of happiness, of love given, and love received equally. Full of laughter and beauty. And of the eventual nightmare of waking with that same pit of profound sadness at the conscious realization that it was all a dream....
-G