I must say, however.. it was an interesting night. I�m not going to go into the specifics because the specifics are completely irrelevant.
Kathrine with a K. And I sincerely hope I got that right. What an amazing young woman. Few are able to hold my attention long. To say she was amazingly beautiful would be too easy. That�s a given, anyone can make that claim because, of course, she is. She has a look I simply must photograph. No, really.. you�ll see (hopefully).
It was a normal night with a friend in town, doing the normal things that friends who are in Vegas want to do. To say I was intrigued by her look would be obligatory, of course I was. I can dismiss that easily, however. But then she spoke and was eloquent, articulate and witty. Hmm, serious potential in this girl, I like her. This is someone I can work with.
And no, I�m not resending on my previous statements, I merely find this particular girl intriguing with a very appealing and exotic look. I sincerely hope I get the chance to photograph her in the future.
But, as most of you know, pitching the photography line out on the town is pretty unscrupulous as in, plenty of greasy bastards try that shit simply to get laid, so it�s hard to not sound like a complete schmuck. How do I convince a person I�m actually sincere? I�ve no idea anymore. Honestly.
All I know is I have to have 30+ images framed by the end of the summer for my show, and I want this magnificent girl to be a part of it.
Well, and that aside.. This girl had a spell on me anyway. I don�t react like that to women anymore, I really don�t. I would even go so far as to say I was a blithering idiot! Seriously, on a completely electric level, I haven�t had that sort of reaction to a girl in what.. 5 years?
Beauty doesn�t impress me anymore. The combination of mind and body is where it�s at, but still. This girl had some serious voodoo. Her boyfriend is a lucky guy. I just still can�t believe how ridiculous I was. I really wonder what, exactly, it was about her that lit me up.
No matter as those things are so far removed from my abject desire to see her beautiful face etched in silver emulsion. I haven�t had this sort of excitement over, even the thought of, shooting a particular person since the old days with Corrine.
We�ll see if she looks past the �line� and sees the sincerity there.000
And then I get home and read an email from Joyce. I gave her a link to my pictures portion of my diary to get an opinion of my photography and then warned her about the rest of the content, that I can be brutally honest in my thoughts that I express here, and sometimes those thoughts aren�t pretty or appealing things.
It�s like telling a person to not press the red button and giving a non-descript reason as to why not.
I suppose, in a way, I wanted her to read my thoughts, these words. A small amount of vindication, maybe? No, I don�t think I could continue on without my inner most thoughts being revealed in an unbiased and undirected way. Of course, I want her to read it. Yeah, a form of vanity, perhaps, but purposeful in my opinion. I�m not playing anymore and I want that a known fact. I say what I mean and I am who I am, and all that shit. And also, I don�t really know what false pretenses I put up anymore. I�m relatively unaware of my own facade sometimes, that directing her to my diary is a way to cut through the haze and lay myself out, completely open. The good and the bad.
Yeah, I guess I�ve really gotten to that point where I want to be appreciated for who I am and not who I can sometimes appear to be. I�ve made those mistakes before and they end in nothing but darkness and pain. I, simply put, do not have time for such things anymore.
But back to the email, it�s quite good. Surprisingly good, to be honest. Insightful, thoughtful, and honest. I look forward to replying, in depth, when I�ve had more then 8 hours of sleep in the last 3-4 days. I like how she keeps bringing up these supposed �bad habits� to reduce her appeal. Silly girl, she knows nothing of me. But the point certainly is well taken. That�s, at least, one thing that�s relatively refreshing. There really is no question as to exactly where I stand with this girl. Any innate desire to fight for what I want was assassinated, utterly. Saves everyone involved time.
Lights are still flashing through my head and the lingering sounds of music still thump away. I need sleep or I fear I may just die. I�m not so sure I�m entirely happy about the thoughts racing through my head but at this point, there really is nothing I can do about it.
-G
P.S. Just a public thank you to Jen for being such a ridiculous sweetheart. It�s amazingly refreshing to be, not only accepted, but also truly liked, for who I am. It�s not something I�m used to in this plastic town.