Had a wonderful fucking day today, yay! Steph called around 6am to tell me (fucking east coasters) that I need to go out to NY for my birthday because they tentatively canceled her vacation where she was coming out here. Yeah, she�ll pay for ticket, room and board, and basically everything else, but it still sucks. I really need her to come to town. She�s my last hope. My only hope. One of the few women (if not really the only) left in my life that would actually give more then she received, if it were possible with me. She knows me better then maybe even Richard. All my dark little secrets and my dirty little fears, and she still loves me unconditionally. I could really use a dose of that right now. People who have that with others surround me, and I end up as merely an ingredient. Which is fine and typical for the most part, but there are times when a warm hug and smiling face are just necessary.

It�s time for some feminine value.

And then the entire world, it seems, set out to piss me off. From annoying fucking emails from typical stupid people to phone calls from some guy supposedly apologizing but still insinuating that I�m the asshole in the situation. Hell of an apology, if I say so myself. �I�m sorry if you took anything I said out of context, I thought I could be candid and frank with you, I know now that I cannot.� Uh� Dude? Eh long boring story. But trust me, he�s the asshole.

And then it was G-ma�s birthday so I wanted to take her to movie and lunch, which was both cool and good, but it would have been better under a few key circumstances. One being, more then an hour of uneasy sleep, two being the abject stupidity of the planet during the morning, and last but not least, her incessant need to talk about her eventual death.

I understand that as you grow older, this becomes more present on your mind, but I just didn�t really want to hear it today. I didn�t balk, however, I sat stoically and discussed it all with her. It was painful and I still haven�t fully recovered, images of her body burning in a crematory oven. Yes, one of the topics of today�s conversation was whether or not I�d watch her being cremated. =

After today, I actually pondered stocking beer in my house. Fuck.

Oh well, life goes on.

-G

P.S. I've updated the Cast of Characters page. Updates are, as usual, in bold italics. I haven't compiled my recent influx of online imagery there, as of yet, but I'll get to it.