But on the same hand, I do care about Erica, and care about what happens to her. But, well... she�s made the decision. It�s going to happen tomorrow morning. Whatever she does, I�ll support her. And I�ve been relatively true to that statement... relatively.
I worry about my friends a lot, I suppose. I want the best for them. I didn�t think Erica was selfish enough to have a child, anyway.
Oh well, what a strange fuckin� weekend it�s been. From letting some news from Joyce get to me wrongly, preceding some really self-destructive behavior the majority of the weekend, to Erica deciding to have an abortion.
Hell, even Richard found someone who he really cares about, that might even feel the same way! What�s next? Snow? Fire and brimstone?
Or, me running off to New Zealand with our business partner, taking our consulting firm there and enjoying the easy life?
I wouldn�t be lying if I said that was awfully tempting. It�s a fleeting temptation, however, due to upcoming photographic events in my life, and the possibilities that could come from that, but I�ve taken an emotional beating lately and could use a nice vacation.
It�s becoming increasingly more difficult to cope with my grandmother�s situation, solely. I don�t really like talking about it much because it�s something that can�t be helped (And besides, I think I�ve said enough). She�s sick. She�s miserable and depressed. Being such a ridiculously empathetic person doesn�t help in these situations. I, logically, know what�s going to come but the thought of losing the one person who has loved me unconditionally just.... I�m sure there are more then a few who can understand what I�m trying to say.
Combine that with trying to get this start up company off the ground, my own health issues as of late, results in my emotions being even more temperamental then normal.
Oh well, this weekend had a sobering effect, despite the amount of inebriation involved. I don�t even remember a good portion of Friday night, although I suspect I may have either hurt, or severely annoyed Joyce.
One of our employee�s is likely DEAD. Murdered by his wife, because I�m an exceedingly bad influence. And I�ve likely gained 3lbs from all the calories I consumed. Which isn�t to say I ate. I hardly ate at all, in fact.
But I�ve got this cyclical destructive streak. I need the destruction to help motivate picking up the pieces and moving on. It�s my own personal reset button. Not that I do this often, god no, nor do I want too! But still, some things get to start anew.
One must first be consumed in flame to be reborn from the ashes.
Aside from that melodramatic shite, I�m at a loss for what to do next, how to go forward with things.
Time will tell.
-G