I�m seriously bothered.
Now, I even had an update in mind for my less then spectacular trip to Lake Havesu yesterday for business, that ended up being a many hour debacle, but I can�t even bring myself to joke about that right now because I�m just mostly annoyed.
This is the first time in a long time I�m actually considering some form of therapy, because I can�t keep this up, it�ll burn me out too quickly. I�ve always prided myself on my internal fortitude and now I�m so thoroughly vexed by minor stupid shit?
I�m not sure if it�s my abandonment complex or what. Back when I was young, 6 years old I believe, my family went to Disney World and didn�t tell me. I mean, they didn�t even tell me they were leaving, I just woke up and the house was empty. They were gone for quite some time. Spending weeks by yourself on a farm does strange shit to the mind of a 6 year old. Ever since I�ve got some pretty wild abandonment issues that I can control, mostly. But every once in awhile something flares it up and I feel like I felt about day 2 of that ordeal when I realized that they just left me there. That pit in my stomach that said �They don�t care about you.� Is about the size of a fucking abyss. Which is to say, it�s pretty large and all consuming.
But I don�t think this is justified this time, in fact, I know it isn�t. This pit, this loneliness and despair that I associate with abandonment shouldn�t be here right now and it�s irritating the fuck out of me.
I�m broken, hepl. (MS Word really likes to freak out when you purposely misspell words. It can�t fathom the reason for such things.)
Maybe Pfizer has it right, Zoloft really IS for everyone.
God damn.
-G
P.S. If you�re reading this, this isn�t about anything you did.