I watched two hours of some of the best TV-Evangelism ever created. I�m talking cream of the crop here. Complete with miracle savings, speaking in tongue, and some of the thickest, most ludicrous rhetoric I�ve ever experienced.

I�ve been healed, however. I�ve learned that I simply need to �Take a back seat� and hand over my life to God. This one revelation followed by these words of immense wisdom �You can�t control your past but, let God control your future� have set me free.

I called the operator and wept, thanking them for saving me from myself and turning over my future for God to do with as he pleases. They, of course, were very busy collecting God�s fortune so upon finding out my current financial status they had to move on to more pious pasture, but I�m convinced if I give my life to God that I�ll soon be able to contribute to God�s coffers. His coffers fund the war against evil, ya know.

I feel bad for the guy in Chicago who uses his one hour a week of public access time to display a sign saying �God is a Jackoff�. Pity him, people... Pity him!

With that said, I wonder if God wants to go get some hookers and blow?

Since he's driving, and all...

-G