Oh, bother... I just spent 4 of that for coffee today.
Right, anyway... I�ve ruminated on my creative frustration, with the help of some friends, I think I�ve penned down what�s bothering me.
Once I get the new template up and get some alternate web space for my online gallery, everyone will better be able to see what I�m talking about, but until then, bare with me. If you look at the overwhelming majority of my better pictures, they all have something in common. Okay, they have a few things in common, some would say they are contrived and to a point I would agree, in fact, that�s the point. I�m rather talented at making fun of myself and not taking anything too seriously.
The next thing is the surrealistic aspect I spoke of in my last entry. It�s really like my signature. Kinda cheesy, kinda contrived, kinda serious, a nice blend of it all. It�s not natural, it doesn�t fit. It may portray serious emotions but it does it in an aloof way, cartoon over exaggeration via photo-realism. I think it was Edie who called it (long ago), staged melodramatic journalism. It just so happens I enjoy defacing beauty with black emotions. It�s the contrast and the duality that I so admire about our species, I suppose.
As Chris pointed out to me, the doll doesn�t seem out of place, it�s too integrated, it�s too �natural� feeling. This, of course, was what was bugging the hell out of me about the whole thing. I�m trying too hard, first off. I just need to ease my mind back into accepting the images that come naturally to me, which always starts with a particular feel or emotion and evolves into a scene that I create.
The right side of my body is uh... well... the muscles are all tightening up to a rather painful serious of knots. Maybe I�m dying, cool.
Anyway, I�ve been away from the art and the expression for so long that it�ll just take a little time to get back into the creative aspect of the medium. For now, however, I�m going to continue to work on the technical aspect and be a little more forgiving in regards to the creative. I�ll work on becoming a better photographer first, a better artist second. It�s a daunting task, to be sure, because I�m all too aware of just how far I have to go. But first things first, getting used to using digital as opposed to film (thx poverty), and getting used to the characteristics, limitations, and abilities of the camera.
It�s a phenomenal camera, no doubt about it, but it still isn�t film. For anyone interested in this sort of thing, it�s a Kodak DCS-520. I�ve got a couple superb �L� series lenses for it, but I�m missing a good deal of my kit compared to when I first got into the commercial aspect of it years ago. But I�ll need to be content with what I have for the time being.
Yes, I realize this entry has now entered the hell which we all fear, the boring one. So at this point I�m going to go sing my Soma song and hope I don�t wake up rather then wake up paralyzed. No lie, this fucking hurts! Oh well. I wish there was someone I could trade massages with (well, that lived in this state).
*grumble*
Tragedy and morals,
-G