Well, she leaves tomorrow. I�ve learned a few things about myself, that�s for sure. For one thing, I�m still as vulnerable to be walked all over and made to feel guilty about it as always. Actually, this isn�t entirely true but just mostly true. I know for a fact that, emotionally speaking, I�m a lot more resistant. It�s just my actions typically don�t back it up. Working on it.

Also, I still take responsibility for everything that goes wrong. What�s that? Don�t like your food? I�m sorry! Don�t like the weather? I�m sorry! Rinse, repeat. I out intellectualize it for the most part. For instance, tonight� The food wasn�t considered �made correctly� by comparison from similar dishes made elsewhere. It took about 30 seconds for my intellect to hog tie the surge of guilt and then beat it with a tire iron. I�m getting better, I honestly am. It�s one thing to have unhealthy emotional reactions but it�s something else to know their unhealthy and control them somewhat.

Repeat, I am not responsible for world hunger.

But basically, the whole experience seems very similar to how married people describe their life. Of course, this isn�t how I�d live in marriage but still, it�s an interesting dry run. I definitely value my space. This reinforces the fact that I will not compromise my space for a bad relationship much like so many people do these days. Single and quasi-happy is much much much better then in a relationship and utterly miserable. The only reason I've put up with this situation as much as I have so far is because it's temporary. A definite finite timeline which I can look at the end and say 'That's the end of this.' So I think to myself 'Why cause problems? She's a good friend outside of living with me, she's fun occasionally. I'm going to bite my tongue and curl up in the corner. If this was 'the way it was going to be', I would have snapped. No.Way.In.Hell. But I'm tolerant for now.

Things I�ve learned: I�m actually growing up, emotionally (it�s taking awhile, I realize this). I�m developing the strength and fortitude to not be a doormat anymore (work in process, move along). I�ve certainly learned a lot of things I don�t want (volumes). And perhaps most important of all, I really fucking hate baseball.

On an unrelated subject, my house is being attacked by black widows. I�ve killed 3 today, all on my door. Charlotte and her crazy crew is pulling a home invasion. I don�t think they realized the power of my ultimate weapon �My Shoe��. But still, it�s creepy. From having a pet spider (Charles), to being a ungracious host to a black widow, I�m now Sergeant fucking Slaughter. Think I�m kidding? We�ll see how the pictures turn out tomorrow.

Oh yes, homework assignment for the day. As you know it, define �Goth�. (As in what makes a person �Goth� or not, I�m just curious :))

-G