So anyway, my club wielding side reared it�s ugly head tonight in an amusing fashion. I�m sitting at Chicago�s with Erica brainstorming logo�s for a company I�m trying to help get off the ground (long story), and some of Erica�s friends join us about 30 min before we were going to leave (We�d came up with 6 solid concepts and decided to just drink the rest of the night). We�ll name them �Quiet girl (QG)�, �schmuck�, and �super schmuck (SS)�.
QG was just quiet. Can�t really piss me off that way so bravo QG. Schmuck was just shit faced and obnoxious, no real harm in that. He didn�t find Erica interesting or, for that matter, anything really interesting. I can respect that, too drunk to really give a fuck about pleasantry. SS, though� Okay, I won�t judge someone by appearance right off, I actually do give people a chance even when something about how they look or carry themselves rub me the wrong way. Granted, due to sleep depravation and alcohol, my tolerance was waning tonight, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt.
You know what, I�m not even going to go into every little thing that stacked up against this SS. Trust me, he was about as shaved an ape as shaved apes can come. It�s people like him that make me loath Vegas so much. Now, it�s bad enough to have to be stuck, out of courtesy to Erica, sitting there and at least attempting to be.. well, I wasn�t even all that polite. I should have been less polite after he pissed me off, I suppose. Oh well, something I should work on. Or is it? Anyway�
Here�s the kicker, the funny part (to me, anyway) that makes me laugh. I was jealous.
Uh� that�s fucking hysterical and should be to anyone who knows me well.
Me� jealous� *laugh*
So lay down a base of alcohol and sleep depravation, stress, and basically feeling like shit in general, with the fact that I consider this guy to be a complete and utter tool and finish it off with Erica considering this guy a �good guy� and being generally flirtatious with him (She�s naturally flirtatious, it�s like me being thoughtful, just happens).
I haven�t felt that burning pit in my stomach since, well� I don�t even want to go there. It�s like being jealous that someone whom I deem unworthy gets to see the same sunset I see. Isn�t that wacky? I get it, I do. I understand where it came from and why it came out at then. Given the circumstances, I was more emotionally volatile, plus having to deal with an all too morose reality this past week certainly didn�t help.
But jealousy.. God. Despite what my friend Nick seems to think, I realize and accept my position in Erica�s life, to feel jealous is just fucking silly.
I hate being reminded that I�m human, that I cannot defeat every errant little emotion with pure logic and thought. Shame on me.
Ahhh but to err is human. And human I am.
I�m over it, really.. I just find the whole thing slightly concerning. My reaction to those type of people are typically more one of casual disdain, the intense hatred was a little alarming.
Oh but this is the fun part. I stopped by a fund raising event for an ex-coworker�s family (He killed himself and Paul and Jess put together a little shin dig to help the family cope) and god damn if I wasn�t the model of tastelessness. Jess had a dream that I killed myself on 10/02/02 and she didn�t know it till she went to place a football bet and the guy at the sportsbook told her that no one bets on 10/02/02 because that was the day I whacked myself. HA! I offed myself and they made the day a fuckin holiday, that�s awesome! But, well� being so excited about the story and exclaiming how I�d love to off myself and it become a holiday at an event put together for someone who �pulled the emergency escape hatch of life� just wasn�t all that sensitive.
We didn�t get more then couple strange glances so I highly doubt anyone of importance heard the conversation, or that we actually offended anyone, but it was still funny as hell when I thought about it afterwards.
�Dude, you suck� You kill yourself and you get a party, I kill myself and I get a fuckin national day of remembrance where you can�t even bet! WOOT!�
Yes, I can be a callous fuck. I liked Mikhail (I certainly can�t seem to spell his name though :(�.) and hope he�s found what he was looking for and wish his family the best of luck in the future trials of life.
Okay I really need to get my silly lame ass to bed.
Btw, if you read this and want to call me anytime before NOON (pst) tomorrow, fucking forget about it! Go fuck yourself! Get bent! Go to hell! Dance with Davy Jones with a stick up your ass! Don�t fucking call me!!!!!
I�m sleepin.
-G