And see, my number one problem with Vegas, and who knows, all of humanity? The lack of fucking integrity.
Ah well. Another brick in the wall, and all that shit.
On a different front. I�m ill again. And not �funky fresh ill, yo�. Just violently fucking sick. I hate my body as it seems to hate me just as badly. I swear to god, my immune system is out to get me.
And to think I was looking forward to this weekend. *sigh*
I got the contact sheet for my shoot with Anna back, not damn bad for being someone who�s NEVER modeled before, and never even really thought of it. I think once she gets used to posing and how her body looks when doing certain things, she could be pretty good at it. The first few shoots are always the hardest as people generally have no freakin idea what to do or expect.
But that�s kind of why I like working with people who have never modeled before. Not only does it give me the chance to refine technical aspects without fearing some major fuck up (OMG it�s 6 stops over!) but it gives me a chance to hone my posing skills. If I can get someone who�s never taken more then a snap shot in their entire life to even come close to what I want, when I�m working with someone who knows what�s going on, it�s even easier. That, and expectations are typically low.
And I know it sounds funny but I get nervous working with girls who have a lot of experience. Even though everyone I�ve ever worked with, with one notable exception, has loved working with me, I still feel like I�m being judged :P.
Okay, okay.. two notable exceptions. One girl, and this is 100% true, finally talked me into shooting nudes of her so she could express her sexual/sensual side. Now, nudes are touchy because it�s REAL easy to fuck them up. Now, any of you who�ve been following my diary for awhile will know the almost saint like regard in which I hold women, especially back then, the worst thing I could think of would showing a woman in a demeaning or vulgar light. Not to mention my skills were really lacking (early in my photography interest). But I did it anyway. It wasn�t bad, some decent shots.. But I don�t know what happened, after that she went around telling everyone how I coerced her into doing it, and how I took advantage of her, etc.. OMG it was fucking terrible. Eh..
And the next one was a shoot I did for a friend, her friend was really interested in modeling and set up a time and place for us to meet to shoot. Well, I never saw her until then, she brought 4 of her friends who kept screwing up everything I tried to do to get any sort of decent look from this girl but really, the picture were fucking terrible. I mean, they sucked hard core. I still have some of them to remind myself to NEVER, and I mean NEVER shoot a girl sight unseen. Not to mention, she was a total bitch and kept commenting on how I�m just doing the shoot to try to get in her pants.
I claimed my camera was jammed a, roll into it (I was a puss then) and never saw her again. Ugh�
But other then that, I�ve gotten nothing but great comments (who knows if they are true) about how I am to work with. Hell, the most challenging aspect of shooting a girl who has never been infront of a camera before is trying to convince them I�m really NOT just trying to bang �em. But hey, it�s Las Vegas. I�m sure they hear the �Photographer� shtick all the time. I swear, men can be fucking assholes.
Ahhh but that leaves a funny problem. When I AM romantically interested in a chick, I don�t know how to let them know :P. It�s just fucking weird. The whole thing, seriously.
Let�s take this woman I met yesterday, we�ll call her M. (only because so many seem to find it a good idea to abbreviate names for sensitivity issues, I�ll just assume it�s a good idea). She was great, super nice, friendly, talkative and even a year old then I am! WOOHOO.. More aware then I gave her credit for, which always really impresses me. That and she seemed to have a really nice sense of style, and I mean that more then just cloths, just a way they carry themselves, etc.. It�s important to me, what can I say. And that�s not even going into her physical attributes. Needless to say, exactly my type.
But I�ll be damned if I know how to approach her. We had a cool conversation, she picked out a kick ass t-shirt for me, and I�m due to go back and let her know I was completely WRONG about some trivia bit regarding some music that was playing in the store. (I thought the band playing at the time, Lard, also shared a frontman with Butthole Surfers, and of course, a guitar player from Ministry. But actually, the frontman is from Dead Kennedy�s, which she pegged and I tried to refute. And really, it�s not like Jello Biafra has an indistinguishable voice. Pfft. But hey, I can admit I am wrong.)
Somehow, it came up in conversation that I�m an art photographer (if I were to define one thing as to who I am or what I do, that would be it. It is, essentially, my one true calling in life), and she seemed interested in that but I loathe even traveling down that road due to the innumerable times these assholes use that line only to get laid.
Eh, so I don�t know. I�m such a coward anymore. Well, when it comes to women. Want me to jump out of a plane? Woohoo, let�s go! Yeah, death and dismemberment < girls (scary factor).
Okay so I�m doing my Nyquil thing again and am passing the fuck out. It sucks, cause I really want to respond to ZR7�s email tonight.
-G
P.S. I get to go to freakin UTAH! No, I probably won't make it out alive.