I was actually awakened by the sound of my heartbeat pounding in my ears. I hit consciousness running, however, as soon as there was a spark of cognizant thought, my mind was instantly reflecting on the day. Mercilessly, I might add.

Interesting logic traps develop and threaten to consume me, so I concentrate on the sound of the blood rushing near my ears. With my ear against the pillow, my heartbeat sounds like someone taking a garden hoe to a concrete walkway.. Tch.. Tch.. Tch.. Tch..

Instead of dwelling on emotional tiger traps, I get out of bed to... well, edit lawyer pictures! Here�s one of them, as an example.

Now, let me tell you, hopeful insomniacs of the world, nothing puts the desire to sleep in you quite like photoshopping airport level baggage handling stations out from underneath peoples eyes! Especially at 3am!

I think I actually cried at some point of the process. Woe is me, existence is so cruel, so mean! Poor Garald. So ugly, so dumb, why god hate him? (yes, I�m being sarcastic)

This is why photographers seek to be successful so badly, so they can hire assistants and pay them shit wages to do this crap. Oh and to kick around because we�re bitter and angry at the world and have to take it out on someone (at least, this has been my personal experience).

�OMG Don�t you understand my creative pressures you fucking twit? Can�t you see I�m a genius being strangled by the world?! Go clean the toilet, you fuck!� Er... No �photographer� would probably acronym �Oh My God�. See? I even suck at being the bitter and angsty artist, god damnit.

So, anyone who wants to assist me, I�ll pay you uh.. a buck a day. Which, conversationally speaking, is a buck a day more then, say... a Tattoo Artist�s assistant! Holy shit, what a deal!! :) And you won�t even have to clean the toilet (okay, I lie, yes you will).

But hey, no carnal fantasies tonight. Er.. Okay, that�s a fat fucking lie, but they weren�t ridiculous tonight. Just kinda floating around in the background. I guess I had other shit to think about tonight that registered as slightly more important.

Personally, I wish I was consulted before prioritizing my particular thoughts as I�m a thousand fucking percent sure I�d rather be dwelling on �wild monkey� like sex, then this current shit.

I just don�t need the tedium!

-G