There wasn�t a moon, no coyotes beckoning, it was actually really lonesome. It was necessary to sanction myself away for a bit, though.
Speaking of that freezing wind, I felt too insulated in the car so I sat, shivering, on the aluminum benches while silently munching my bowl o� goodness, just watching the remaining light of day slide behind the silhouetted mountains. And people wonder why I get sick all the time, ha! Because I�m stupid, silly!
Anyway, I was just mainly amused with myself. Ooh, conscious will power vs. primordial root consciousness! They are always fighting about something, or another, but every once in awhile the battle gets a little more heated, a little more ... underhanded. Basically, more interesting.
Now, the subconscious is a devious little trickster, always looking to undo reason and logic. And this is where I come in as a major control freak. While other control freaks must control their environment, or relationships, or other people in general, I�m obsessed with controlling myself (probably why I love sex so much).
I�m not na�ve enough to demand myself to change over night or even over long periods of time, I�ve just become really adept for suppressing, burying, and otherwise destroying unwanted emotions. It�s mental conditioning that can, occasionally, lead to an actual fundamental change in thought. Just takes a lot of will power and fortitude.
I love that word, by the way. Fortitude.
Anyway, what was I saying? Oh, right... that fuck, the sub-conscious... The little punk who throws the occasional brick through a window, then runs off howling with laughter. That lil� fuckin bastard! I�ll get him! Just you wait and see!
Eh, I�m just a silly fool.
My eyes are burning. I�m going to bed.
-G