Hungry, violent, lonely, godless. 9:29 a.m. 06.13.2002
I like the Power Puff Girls. They are strong and cute and fight evil things. Clouds are pretty. My shirt sparkles in the sun. Dead flowers make me sad.


My internet is down, this is a problem. Why? Because I�d like to get on the internet. And I can�t. Waa.

So yesterday I dropped Grandma off at physical therapy, go Starbucks and realize I forgot my book at home. Ugh.. an hour and half with nothing to do. So I just people watched and eavesdropped on their conversations. Some good stuff, really.

This one lady was barking at an old gentleman about a differing philosophy and the subject matter and the way he taught it in his class. Most of that one was just about teaching and crap so I didn�t really pay attention long. I listened to these two Japanese girls, didn�t really understand much of what they said which bothered me. I need to brush up on my Japanese.

But the most interesting conversation of note was this group of early 20�s girls at the table next to mine. They were, of course, talking about boys. Except their language was a little strange to me, they were using vocabulary as if they were talking about something they bought at a craft store. Or if they were talking about a particularly nasty section of a mountain climb.

This really isn�t anything stellar or interesting until you start thinking about our propensity for taking on project people. You could also view these people as challenge people, which are what a lot of the �players� of our society typically represent for the opposite sex.

Now, I don�t know if scientist have been able to isolate the �craft� gene yet, but I�m sure it�s there. Otherwise dating and macram� probably wouldn�t be quite so popular. I�m guilty of this too, and I don�t think it�s a bi-product of being raised by women (it may, but I think it�s just human).

Examining the early relationships of my life, the girl had always initiated them. Basically because I was �dark and brooding�. I didn�t like anyone, nor did I really care if they liked me (which, actually, was a lie. I secretly wanted everyone to like me, who didn�t in high school? But that was the impression I gave.). So the few relationships I did have, I was most certainly the project. They usually ended once the project got boring or what have you.

And then came the biggest project of my life. I needed to �save� this awesome girl who showed so much potential but was caught up in a completely irrelevant 9 year relationship with someone in a different part of the state. Aren�t I the hero arch-type.. HA! I felt like I identified with all her problems and could help, could show her what it was like to be loved, etc blah blah blah. Hindsight, I should have taken up needle work.

Even now I find myself attracted to people for the wrong reasons, which is to say, things they should be using health care to fix, not me. At least I can recognize this, laugh about it, and avoid it at all costs. No more hobbies for me please. If I need a hobby, I�ll take up finger painting. If I want a challenge, I�ll climb a mountain. If I want to save people, I�ll become a psychologist and work with people who at least want to be helped (and be paid for it!).

Moral of the story � Climb mountains, not mountainous psychological problems of others. Leave the project people on the shelf next to the glitter and foam flower cones.

Next time, I�m taking my damn book.

Goats and bubblegum,

-G