I�ll never forget that sigh� My grandmothers Pekinese passed away sometime in the early morning hours. I had an appointment with the Vet at 8am to see if there was anyway to keep the dog going and comfortable, at least until grandma got out of the hospital to say goodbye. That, obviously, isn�t going to happen.

I slumped down next to Gizmo (the name of the dog) in half denial/half acceptance. The last breath escaped his lungs as I moved him to his carry box to show up for the 8am appointment. That was, singularly�

At this point I�m for want to use phrases akin to �most miserable� and the like but, well.. Life has been full of misery contrasted with moments of joy so it�s hard to quantify just how miserable that experience� actually, this whole experience truly is. Peaks and valleys, right Dr. Frankl? After so many, you begin to not really notice how deep the depths can be or how high the peaks may soar. It�s recognized as a low and appreciated for such, or likewise, a high. All moments have their value, even if it isn�t an easily noticeable value. Moments have an intrinsic value that can be measured in awareness as long as you open yourself up for that sort of thing.

What really makes the peaks so filled with glory and joy is the truth behind just how deep the valleys can be. It makes the transition from one to the other that much more impactful.

Now.. try explaining this to my grandmother when she finds that her treasured companion for the last 15 years (or so) passed without her even being able to say goodbye. There is no comfort in �doggy heaven�, or any other such supernatural avenues of anesthesia. There is only the internal knowledge that a dear friend and companion died without the love and support that should have been available to him. In all likelihood, Giz probably wouldn�t have even gotten sick if Grandma wasn�t in the hospital. But to even hint at such a correlation invites disaster.

So yes, this is a wonderful expression of my philosophy. I do not like pets because I cannot bare to lose them. Now what does that say for other aspects of my life which also include risk of loss coupled with happiness?

My dear Grandmother.. How this will break her heart. Merry Christmas, indeed.

-G