Reflecting back on this entry, specifically the bad part.. it seems like a lovely little stroll through the park compared to the traumatic day I�ve had today.
Grandma is okay. But she sure as hell wasn�t. The surgery was an outpatient ordeal. Orthiescopic(sp?) rotator cuff repair. Not that big of a deal, fairly painful though. When I went to pick her up after my finals, the nurse was running around frantically trying to find morphine. Grandma was incapable of speech, at least, understandable speech.
In between gasps of pain she�d utter a word or two. I�m pretty sure at some point she said �golly�. But I�m not certain as I was quite emotional at the time. They gave her a morphine shot.. didn�t help, so they gave her another... didn�t help, she was getting worse as the anesthesia wore off, yet another shot, double the dose this time. Nadda. Again, another shot, double the dose again. Screaming in agony. She ran and got the doctor, doctor instructed her to give her the maximum amount and a couple other shots to boot plus two oral darvoset.
The transition was quite dramatic. Her gasps of pain gave away to frantic talking about how much pain she was in and how she couldn�t take it. Then slowly... the lights went out... I shit you not, it went from �My god, I can�t take this, why me I can�t take this why.... mhhmuugh... mm...ughhhmm... mmm...� �gone� Enter the drool.
I was mortified. At least she wasn�t screaming in pain but... she could die! What the fuck was going on? No one would tell me anything. I kept asking if this amount of pain was normal, if she was going to be okay. You have to understand, someone who you value more then your own life is calling out in extreme agony and you can�t do shit about it. I wanted to strangle people, but instead I just sat there like a dying bouquet of flowers, tears streaming down my face as I watched her go through this.
She�s better now. Better then she was, anyway, which is not to say she�s doing good. She isn�t. No more screaming though...
On an unrelated subject, the finals were idiotic. I was stressed for nothing, seriously. I could have probably walked in off the street and do just as well on them, without ever stepping foot once in either class. After the last test we had, I was nervous, but for no reason. So at least I�m confident in my A�s now.
But in the mean time I�m pretty much chained to the side of her bed since she�s immobile.
I�ve a lot of pent-up emotions right now but I�m not sure I should exorcise them at this point, I think I�ll be in better form tomorrow after a decent nights rest. Right now I just want to enjoy my chamomile, listen to a superb trance mix (much love ATB), and watch my candles flicker in the darkness.
-G